A few years ago, a friend of mine made homemade sushi and posted pictures on her facebook wall. I wanted to try it, so I asked her for the recipe which she promptly gave me and which I promptly lost.
Typical of me. hmph.

But the idea was planted.
And it only took a few years to put it into action.
Typical of me. hmph.

As I was collaging pictures of Sushi Night this morning, I realized there is not even a shred of evidence that we had friends over that night. So let me preface the pictures with this: I PROMISE and I SWEAR there was another family over at our house.
Maybe I was trying to be polite by not taking pictures of them? I dunno.

Shopping for sushi ingredients in rural Northern Arizona is borderline hysterical. Apparently in the land of Cowboys and Indians there ain’t much market for nori and bamboo rolling mats. And because I didn’t plan weeks in advance and only went to shop for ingredients THE DAY OF (again, typical Alicia), our Sushi Night became a group effort.
Smack dab in the middle of Wal-Mart I phone my best guy friend from high school who served his mission in Japan.
“What kind of rice is the best to get?” I asked because I forgot to write it down (typical). He told me. He also gave me some fulling tips, some curry tips, and an invitation to join him and his wife and NEW BABY BOY in making a Japanese dinner the next time we were together.
I picked up the rice he said was best. And somewhere between that moment and the moment I went to make the rice, the rice went missing.
As if it wasn’t insulting enough that we had to come home without a bamboo rolling mat, now we had NO RICE! No sushi rice!

Earlier that morning, I posted a youtube video to my friend’s wall. Her and her husband were planning on coming over that night to make sushi with us, and I jokingly told her to memorize the video because there would be a test later that night:

The video is very informative. and entertaining. win!

A mutual friend commented that she had just made sushi at a church activity under the direction of Jeannie Downs.
So when I got home and had NO RICE in NO GROCERY MAN’S LAND, I phoned Jeannie’s husband Sandy and proceeded to ask him if he had any sushi rice. He did.
I sent my husband to fetch it, and he came home with rice AND a bamboo rolling mat!
Between my friend Rial and my friends the Downs and my friends (who I swear were present) the Burts… Sushi Night was a success!

We deep-fried some, and that was my favorite!

It was so much fun!

We bought two frozen pizzas, one for the kids to eat and one for us just in case we fudged up the sushi.
We only needed one (for the kids -just in case that wasn’t clear):

This year, Valentines was very different for me.

I’ve always been so wrapped up in the Romeo+Juliet side of Valentine’s Day that I completely missed the true mark of the holiday: LOVE.
Whether you’re in a relationship or out of a relationship, whether your relationship with a significant other is rocky or rockin’… come Valentine’s Day, it really doesn’t matter. There’s no reason to hate Valentine’s Day -no reason to hate commercialization.
Because no matter who you are, what you are, or when you are: you are LOVED. you do LOVE. and LOVE is a gift.
You don’t need money to show it or share it or bask in it or enjoy it to the fullest.

This year, I embarked on a Valentine’s experiment. In the last 12 months, I’ve learned more about love than I ever thought possible. That sounds posh, I know. It wasn’t. As it turns out, learning lessons in love isn’t easy or fun or comfortable. But it IS worth it… because what I discovered about love is this: there isn’t types of love. There is only LOVE. Once you feel it, taste it… there’s no going back.
Someone once described it as “the difference between Dove and Dollar Store chocolate.”
I speak chocolate, so that analogy makes perfect sense.

Love is pure.
It doesn’t expect anything.
This year, I decided to show love to people I love. THAT was my experiment. Like my Mama always said, “Keep It Simple, Stupid.”
Best kiss she ever gave me.
I started the week before. The kids and I busted out all manner of paper, fabric, glue and notions and we made Valentines to send to our out-of-town family and friends. A few didn’t make it out, but MOST of them did.
The kids loved it. My kitchen area didn’t, but hey: if life were tidy, it wouldn’t be livin’.
(That was all me. No Mama involved. I think I’ll needlepoint that into a pillow, or something.)

The kids loved it, and I loved it.
A few days before Valentine’s Day, I hit the store and picked up a few things: $1 containers of Cotton Candy (one for each of my immediate Valentines -not counting Alice Michelle) and some candy hearts for Lacy’s school Valentines.
I ordered a movie from Amazon for my husband, and I “planned” a Valentine Party for my Trenton.

Valentine’s Day morning, we had our traditional pink pancakes, and Lacy left early for school… Valentines in hand (I just bought some from the store and attached a few candy hearts to each one. Simplicity is my mantra, Mama).

Okay, I don’t actually DO parties… you know the parties you see online, all over the Internet? Mothers ’round the globe are throwing awesome, coordinated, TIDY parties! And I’m like… “Have a pancake. Douse it in sprinkles… then go play.”

They couldn’t have cared less about the pancakes.
All morning, my son was on Cloud 9. He was hopping all over the place, so I put his energy to use: he vacuumed while I did dishes. As his guests arrived, he greeted them with a high, excited voice.
The pancake “eating” lasted 10 minutes, and then it was play time.

After the guests went home, I peeked into my son’s room. Want to have a laugh? Check this out:

Remember: if it’s tidy… (say it with me) you ain’t livin’ (Good!)
I brought the kids into their room and we had it cleaned up within an hour. After their room was cleaned, I did a quick sweep of the house: the dishes were done, the living room was cleaned and re-vacuumed…
Lacy took a bike ride to the neighbor’s house with a bar of Cadburry chocolate in her bike basket. The kids had decorated hearts and taped them to the chocolate bar.
The chocolate Valentine was delivered to “Grandma” Elsie -our neighbors across the street who have grandchildren of their own that don’t live in town. A few minutes later, she rode back (I watched her the entire time, just in case you were freaking out for a second there…) and I could see two small teddy bears in her basket where the chocolate bar had been.
Grandma Elsie had shown love BACK to my children.
My husband came home from work with the most beautiful mixed bouquet! and a movie and a package of microwave popcorn and Raisinets… it’s like he KNOWS me, or something. Nothing says “love” to Alicia like a good movie and chocolate and bright array of all kinds of flowers. I honestly wasn’t expecting anything, and it came as a total surprise!
I’ll write more about the movie later because it’s worth discussing…

After teaching piano lessons, I left my husband to put together a new baby swing (since the motor in ours finally died a great death, leaving me stranded with a cranky infant who seems to be as attached to her swing as I am). I took my daughters with me to the grocery store where we got everything to make a Valentine Feast.
Each year on Valentine’s Day, my husband and I forgo a Valentine Date and have, instead, a Valentine FEAST, children included. It’s usually marinated steak with all the fixings, but given that February 13th nearly killed me with awfulness, I forgot to pull out the steaks.
So I went to the store and got everything to make Roasted Chicken -a recipe in our fancy cookbook that my husband has shown interest in.
I bought a whole chicken. I’ve never done that before -more on that in a minute…
I bought Martinelli and bagged salad (simple!) and stuff for dessert.
I came home and dove right into my chicken’s arse:

I have NEVER put my hand inside a chicken before. I’ve helped my Dad with Thanksgiving turkeys but that was after all the insides had already been removed. It turns out putting my hand inside a chicken wasn’t as bad as I thought -not NEARLY as bad -and it made me feel a little Julia Childish. I might have even done my best Julia impression as I threw the stuff into the trash.
“Chicken livers… you take the chicken livers and throw them away!”
As the chicken roasted in the oven, the kids played video games with their Dad and I set the table. I made a paper table runner and decorated it, threw some paper hearts and conversation hearts on it and then added a million or so candles.
And I used our finest china. you know: the kind that cleans itself. the kind GREEN people don’t use. the kind my mama loves:

The kids were so excited.
“This is so FANCY, Mom” my son said, over and over as he stared bright-eyed right at the Martinelli.
“You did GOOD, Mom” my daughter said, as I pulled the chicken from the oven.
And then she said.
(I kid you not)
“Hey. Why is there lemon up that chicken’s butt?”

My partner chef always adds the MOST intriguing commentary to my imaginary cooking show.
Don’t you have one of those going on in your kitchen when you cook fancy stuff?

As I cooked the meal -which was actually VERY simple in the making (don’t be fooled by my fancy china) -I made an executive decision.
Our Valentine Feast is going to be annual… traditional.
LOVE is so important. Celebrating the gift of love is a great idea. Celebrating it with people you LOVE more than anything is worth it.
How lucky am I to have a chance to love, to be surrounded by those I love, and to have the chance to TELL them I love them while they’re still present?
And yesterday was full. I hopped from before sun-up to after sun-down, but I loved every second of it (except for the second when the grocery store was out of strawb’rries).
At the end of the day, my husband excused himself from the dinner table to use the restroom. He came back, put his arms around me and instructed me to GO take a bubble bath he’d just drawn for me.
“You’ve been going all day. Go slow down.”
He’s a thoughtful guy. I mean, he buys raisinets. RAISINETS!
We ended our dinner with a dessert: brownie on bottom, cream cheese frosting in the middle, berries on top -compliments of the commentator chef:

My Valentine Experiment was a raging success. Flowers, chocolates, movie, and milk bath aside, I enjoyed this holiday more than I EVER have before.
And I can now admit: Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday.
Love is so important, dedicating an entire day to it is genius. I hope you can surround yourself without someone you love: a friend, a neighbor, a sibling, a stranger in need of something YOU have to offer…
This holiday has addictive powers.
I’m already planning my Valentine’s for next year…

And I can’t wait for another Valentine Feast.  This year’s feast earned me TWO stamps of approval.  See?

\
…and I really mean that.

Two months ago right this VERY second, I was in a heckuvva lotta pain. But now?

All’s well.

None of my children have blue eyes. I have blue eyes, and I’m so excited to see that Miss Alice is looking like she’ll share my eye color! My kids look so much like my husband and hardly anything like Hansen babies, so I’ll take every shred of likeness I can get.
Not that my husband isn’t fabulously great-looking… I’d just like a little one that resembled me. even if it’s just a wee bit.

I tried -I really did -to come up with 50 more funny thing. But here’s the deal:

Yesterday, we had turkey for Sunday dinner. I pulled a bag of frozen turkey (Thanksgiving leftovers) out of the freezer and we had turkey sandwiches and salad. I dipped my sandwich in BBQ sauce. It was delicious. My son asked if he could have some BBQ sauce on his plate. I gave him some. I asked my daughter if she would like some BBQ sauce. She shook her head no. A little while later, my daughter was dipping her sandwich in BBQ sauce (which was on her own plate) and saying, “Oh, wow. Yum!”
“Where did you get the BBQ sauce?” I asked.
My kids looked at me with wide eyes.
“You JUST gave me some, Mom,” my daughter said.

I have no recollection of ever doing it.
I also have no recollection of ever getting my baby out of her bed last night, but I must have. Because she wasn’t in her bed when she woke up twice last night.

She wakes up at least twice every night.

I can function, sure. But my box is short one crayon, if ya know what I mean.

I wake up to this every morning, so it makes up for the parts of my life I’m living now that I apparently won’t remember later today:

She thinks I’m funny.

I snapped this picture late last night, and I love it. Sisters are the very BEST! I’m so grateful Alice and Lacy have a sister… and I’m excited to watch them grow up and fight and love and go shopping and make fun of their parents:

Girls are the best. Boys are the best.
Even when they look like Megamind:

Anyway, I’m sorry about only making it to 50. As my brain slowly returns to normalcy, I will post more hilarity.
I actually have a pretty cute video of us scaring our baby. Don’t judge until you see how cute it is.
Which you will just as soon as I remember to ask my husband to take the video off his phone and put it on the computer… which will probably take about six months.

Today, the barn behind my house is covered in snow which means after the house is picked up and the laundry is folded, I will make cinnamon rolls.
(There’s a small chance the picking up and laundry might also take six months):

Now… my eye candy. There’s nothing sweeter (or sexier) than this man and his love for his babies:

And before I forget (because apparently I WILL), Happy #112 to my great-grandmother Alice:

If you were here, I’d visit you with my baby girl. You’d love her to pieces.

(PS: Pumpa is one good-lookin’ soldier boy.  You have good taste.)

I have blogs I go to when I need to laugh -and there’s a few that never let me down. I wonder if the authors feel pressure to BE FUNNY at all times. I don’t know.
Sometimes it isn’t entire blogs that make me laugh so much as it is a few posts they’ve written.
Anyway.
In no specific order:

#1) The Snuggie Text post by It Just Gets Stranger. This post slaughters me every. dang. time. Read it and you’ll see why.

#2) Awkward Family Photos is always up and ready for surfing… it never lets me down.

#3) Middle-Aged Mormon Man is great. While every single post isn’t always funny, every single post is always worth a read. It doesn’t matter whether you’re Mormon or not -someone with a good sense of humor who writes is always worth reading, no matter their religious beliefs.

#4) I first started blogging in 2005 (gosh, has it been that long?) and I used to frequent a blog written by a Brit (I’m assuming). The blog is written cleverly, and I shouldn’t like it… because the author dedicated the blog to listing reasons why she hated her flatmate. The more recent posts (the last in 2009, so I’m using the word “recently” pretty loosely) are not written by the original author. It’s obvious, so scroll to the 2005-2006ish era. Click HERE to read some from 2005.

#5) This website actually makes fun of Mormon-y culture-y things… and although the author doesn’t keep it up anymore, I sometimes go back and read over posts and laugh so hard I nearly wet m’self. It’s a fictional blog. I have to explain that, see, because some people didn’t get it. It’s written by TAMN (Tiffany/Amber/Megan/Nicole) and she’s ridiculously skinny (even while pregnant with twins that have weird names with even weirder spellings). There’s all kinds of slang and misspelled words… and there’s just so much awesomeness on it that I wish she were still writing it! It gives me a good laugh. Click HERE. And yes: she’s a huge Twilight fan.

#6) If you’re a mother (stay at home or not) you’ll appreciate THIS post by Alex at Lateenough.

#7) My friend, Laurie, recommended THIS post to me after I wrote about placenta encapsulation. I love it.

#8) The next two posts come to you from Laurie herself. Click HERE to read about her thoughts on Edward Cullen. It’s about one minute worth of reading and one lifetime worth of laughing.

#9) Here Laurie details a date she went on. I dare you to top this story. Read it HERE.

#10) I’m realizing the amount of Mormon humor I have stuffed in my mental archives *might* not be the healthiest. But as long as its there, let’s share. This one is really worth taking a look at. Click HERE to be amazed!

I’ll list ten more when they come to me.
Which, hopefully, will be tonight and tomorrow. This whole “groups of 20″ is harder than you might think. Zeriously.

I hope you’ve got some time today, friend. Because these videos are well worth a watch -at least they are to me. You might watch them and divorce me on grounds of “she’s a weirdy.”
But give them a chance.
In no particular order:

#1)”There’s a hidden valley ranch party in MY mouth… write that down.”

#2) “Ew, let’s do it.” The only thing better than this video is hearing my kids quote it.

#3) “I’m readin’ a book, pig.” Haven’t we all felt this way at one point or another? I haven’t felt that way in a long time… getting interrupted while reading is pretty much standard around here. I roll with it.

#4) “Two taco salads for the ladies…”

#5) “I’m an aduuuuult!”

#6) “Move your boogie body!”

#7) This one was sent to me a while ago from my bestie, Tia.

#8) I think this one was recommended by Tia as well… there’s always something about a good fall:

#9) “It’s dramatic but less ghetto.”

#10) Try not to smile. I DARE you:

#11) “You sneaky MOM!”

#12) This one always makes me smile…

#13) It’s ten minutes long, but I’m 7 weeks post partum, and it was 10 minutes WELL spent. I was NOT exaggerating when I told you I was going to die, babe.

#14) “What are you stupid, Bill?!”

#15) Not my favorite NPR skit, but it will do. And before you watch: get your mind out of the gutter.

#16) Okay, this video was sent to me by a friend and I wanted to save it for my list of 20 things my readers sent my way, but I am seriously OUT of funny videos. I thought it would be easier to find 20 funny videos, but it isn’t! Try it. I double dog dare you.
I laughed so hard through this video. Be carefolo.

#17) I can’t get enough of one talking on the phone full voice while the other is talking to the reporter full voice… “fire in the belly!”

#18)”Always here to tell you ’bout a new disease…”
It won’t let me post it here, but you can watch it HERE.

#19) This one came my way from my brother, Steve. The more I watch it, the more I laugh. It’s ridiculous.

#20) Tia recommended this one to me. You should all be facebook friends with Tia and Steve. They’re the best. I means it.

Okay, it took me about 5 days to put that list together. Youtube is seriously distracting.

Story Lady Blog has a facebook page (in case ya’ll didn’t know)… you can find it and “like” it

HERE

It’s a hoppin’ place where I post updates about my life which, as you know, is suuuuper ordinary. Like it. I know you’ll love it.

I promised my liking facebookers that if Story Lady’s page ever reached 100 likes, I would post 100 things that make me laugh hard. Because 100 things is a lot to take in one post, I’m going to split this business up into 5 posts composed of 20 hilarious things. I am currently taking hilarious suggestions.
What makes YOU laugh? Let me know. You can use the comments section, my facebook page, my email or text… I’m available so many ways it almost makes me look cheap.
But anyway.

I’m going to categorize here.  I never categorize anything, so I’m not a little impressed with myself here.  The first group of 20 is going to come from Pinterest… things that I keep tucked on their own little pin board so I can reference them easily when a laugh is needed.  The next 20 will be videos.  The 20 after that will be blog posts from ’round the web.  After that I’ll post 20 pictures from my personal archives that make me laugh.  After that?  I’ll post 20 Reader-submitted laughables.  Send me pictures, videos, jokes, what-have-yous from around the web… if they make you laugh, I’d love to share them!

Now.

Please play a drumroll in your mind as I bring you the FIRST group of 20:

#1)

#2)

#3)

 

#4)

#5)

#6)

#7)

#8)

#9)

#10)

#11)

#12)

#13)

#14)

 

#15)

#16)

#17)

#18)

#19)

#20)

 

Sunday morning, we had a tragedy.
Blue died.

My husband and I were snuggled up under a big blanket on the couch -we were fighting the same cold and the blanket was on our side.
Our Lacy snuck out of her room, went to the bird cage, quietly lifted the door, took her bird out, and snuck back into her room. She knew that she wasn’t supposed to take her bird in her room, but she did anyway.
A few minutes later, we heard some wailing from her room… Trenton came bolting out.
“Lacy’s bird just DIED!” He announced. Lacy was behind him, a limp blue parakeet in her hands. Tears were rolling down her face.
“What happened?” I asked her.
“She DIED!” Lacy cried out.
“I know, but how? What happened?”
“I don’t know,” Lacy said through her tears, “She just DIED!”
We tried getting a straight answer out of her -she told us Blue was sitting on her finger and suddenly died. Finally we asked Trenton.
“What happened, buddy? Did you see it?”
“Lace sitted on her. I didn’t want her to.”

Sigh.
We never once thought to tell our six year old daughter not to SIT on her bird.
So we all sat in the hallway around the dead bird, and not one of us had a dry eye. Lacy -for the first time -was experiencing the pain of real loss. The rest of us couldn’t do anything about her pain, and that’s why we were crying.
Instead of taking a shower or shaving my legs like I had originally planned, I made a satin-lined felt pouch to put the much-loved birdie in. My husband went to the computer and started googling around to see if there was any way to revive a warm, dead birdie body.
I kept the scraps from the pouch and made Lacy her own little pouch. We pulled Blue’s tail feathers out and put them in it… I told her it is her special pouch to remember Blue. She takes it everywhere we’ll let her.

Sunday night, Lacy stayed up and had a long talk with me.
“She was my own daughter,” she said, again through tears, “And now I’m just so heart broken!”

It’s hard for me to see her hurting so much. I want to go to the city and buy her a new bird.
But.
I don’t want my girl growing up in a world where you sit on a bird, suffocate it, and get a new one in the morning.
I want her to grow up in a world where she experiences things like loss and learns how to deal with them -learns from them…

She scratched words into the headstone.
“I Love Blue”

She has since lined the grave with all sorts of rocks -and she adds to the rock collection whenever she finds a beautiful one.
Rocks are all she has to give -they’re free and available, so she finds the very best, the very prettiest, and she gives them to her own daughter.

I think it’s time for me to step up and help my daughter make a few floral arrangements so she can have a little something else to offer her departed feather friend.
They really did make the best team.