Last week, I was unfortunate enough to click on an entire forum attacking me personally. It was public, it was harsh and it was so full of cynicism and hatred that it shocked me.
They called me manipulative, controlling and a vile mother. They ripped apart my values and even went so far as to have vulgar assumptions about my sex life (what?). They used ugly language and ugly words, and they were sure -SURE -that Danny’s life would improve exponentially as soon as he cut ties with me. Our marriage would end wonderfully for him.
This all would have been much more painful had they been nice people -meaning, I would put more stock into their opinions if they were having an intellectual discussion criticizing my personal life. But it was just cynical hatred spewing, spewing, spewing. It was so hateful it only took me 12 hours to pretty much feel the reality of the situation: it wasn’t about me at all. In fact, in their mind, our inevitable divorce was synonymous with Danny’s leaving The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
It’s THE CHURCH. It’s religion they’re upset over. I’m just a temporary punching bag.
I’m floored at the amount of hatred the world has, and I feel sadness. I feel sorrow -I feel A LOT of sorrow. There’s sorrow every time I turn my computer on, log onto my Facebook account, every time I listen to the news on the radio.
Given this last very personal attack of hatred, I immediately logged off. I haven’t logged back on, and I won’t. My immediate reaction was to never ever log back in again EVER, but as that reaction has faded into a RESPONSE and I’ve had time to process, I’ve decided to take a 40-day fast from social media.
Forty days without Facebooking, blogging, instagramming.
I’m still checking emails and using my voxer app.
Meanwhile, I’m going to be doing a 40-day yoga program by Baron Baptiste.
He’s pretty smart. I’m hoping to absorb some of that wisdom in my meditations.
Life has handed me a lot of mental opposition these days, and I know there’s something I’m supposed to learn.
Here’s a TED talk I’m streaming now… and hoping to find that subliminal place where Christ is in my center, where hatred glides quietly by and love sets up a permanent camp.
See ya on the other side of lots of sweat.