I’ve always been young.  I’ve never known any different. What’s more, I’ve always been the youngest of my friends.  I got married young, pregnant young, pregnant again young… and everyone would tell me when they saw my ring or my protruding belly, “you’re so young.”  They’d tell me they wished they were young again.

And I vocally admitted that I didn’t mind aging.  I sort of took to it, actually, because it seemed no matter what I was still young.  Birthday after birthday passed, and I didn’t “age” age.  I just had to write a new number on forms and stuff.

But something’s flipped inside of me.  Something’s gone haywire with my logic.  Part of it has declared “MUTINY” on the rest of it and there’s this bloody battle raging in my head.  I know I’m young.  The nice part of my brain tells me that (it’s trying to keep up moral, all that).  But part of me FEELS old.   I mean… physically.  My lower back hurts all the time.  My knees hurt.  I’m gradually going blind(er).  And I move like an older person.  I don’t run.  I don’t sprint.  I’m not agile and I can’t roll around with my kids like young people do.

As I watched a few of the youth from our church scale sand dunes like it was nothing, I felt that my body is older than my age.  So I went walking today.  Is my back screaming?  Well, yeah.  But I’ll get it a massage later and it’ll get over it.  I’ve got to win back my health -my youth…

Most importantly, I need to help the Good Guys in my head win.  Don’t feed me any line like “age has nothing to do with birthdays or years or what-have-yous.”  I know that bit.  Where I’ve got my hang-up is that my body thinks it’s much older than 25.

Which, let’s face it, is still young.

I should enjoying it and literally running with it.  I should be feeling the energy of youth tearing through my body, but all that’s tearing through my body now is the pointed pang of fatigue.  It’s wrong!  It’s wrong!  How did I let this happen?!

Today I’ll eat better than I did yesterday.  How’s that?  And every day I’ll fight a little harder and gain a little more ground.  It’s bound to turn out all right in the end if I work hard enough.

And here’s a taste of youth -directly from the sand dunes to you:


  1. Steve-the brother says:

    I think your job has a lot to do with it. And, though I’ve never been a full-time Mom, I think it will get physically easier as your kids mature.
    I’ve been meaning blog about the change I’ve experienced with my commitment to get into shape, but when I blog about positive changes, I always feel like I’m coming across as pious. I will tell you this: eating right and being active has brought vigor and vibrance to my life. I wasn’t awful before, but I was always feeling sluggish and sore. I seriously feel I’ve had a physical rebirth. It’s not an easy path, but it’s well-worth it. Now I feel pious, and I’ll shut up. Just don’t start thinking this is long-term. You’ve got plenty of good vibrant youthful years in you, dear.

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