Lowering Expectations?

Last night I went to bed and thought about two things:

#1) I can’t seem to live up to my expectations.

#2) One day, my kids won’t need me for everything.

Let’s start with #1.  I’m really being too hard on myself, and I need to lighten up -I just don’t quite know how.  I want my house to be clean, my waist line to be a few inches smaller, three meals a day on the table, my stupid wreath to be done, the laundry folded and put away (all the time, of course), my scripture reading done daily, and I’d also like to be really active in family history and temple work.  OH! And can I please write my book?

At the end of the day, when I’ve accomplished about .5% of that list, I lay in bed and beat myself up for everything I’m not.  I know it’s foolish -I’m not a total idiot.  But there it is.  I know the system needs to change.  I just don’t exactly know how to muck myself out of it just now.  I’ll try harder today and take comfort in the fact that I’m doing okay.  Waistline aside, I’m doing okay!  I think I might even just push everything out of the way and write my book for a couple hours.  That always helps me out.  If ever you’re feeling incomplete, do that one thing that makes you feel like you’re a success -worthwhile -and truly, TRULY happy!

Onto #2: I’m feeling bittersweet about this.  Last night, it was more bitter than sweet.  I got to thinking about Heavenly Father.  I’d love nothing more than for him to just TELL me what to do.  All the time.  I’ve even gone so far as to tell him that.

“Heavenly Father, I don’t want to go on faith today. Can you please just tell me what I need to do?  I don’t want to grow today.”

He didn’t.  To his credit, of course.  But yesterday I was on the receiving end of about 1,000 “MOM!”s.  And by 8:30 pm, I lay prostrate on the couch, completely paralyzed.  I couldn’t move.  But that was no excuse for me, my reader.  I had to get up and take my contacts out.  I had to get up and get the kids in their PJs.  I had to get up and put dinner away.

So I did.  Then, after our nighttime routine of scriptures and prayers, and deposited myself back on the couch and I realized something.

NO WONDER Heavenly Father never tells me every little thing I need to do!  It’s downright exhausting!  My children, at this point in their life, need my help every step of the way.  They can’t get a drink or poop without my help. Welllllll, hold on.  They can get a drink.  But if they want a drink from the SINK and not the TOILET, they need my help.  And yes, I prefer to give it.  They can’t eat meals without my help.  Every step of the way, I’m there.  When my husband took me to a Bed and Breakfast in Flagstaff, the owner asked me if we had any children.  We told him that we had two toddlers.  He smiled and said, “At that age, you spend about 5% of your time loving them and the other 95% saving their lives.”

How true.  And don’t get me wrong: I absolutely treasure these days.  I do!  But that doesn’t mean that they are easy.  That doesn’t mean they pass by like nothing.  Sometimes they’re long and hard.  Sometimes I’m completely paralyzed by the end of the day because I’m needed by everyone and everything.  What a blessing that is!  But what a trying one it can be at times.

Today, Heavenly Father, I’ve learned my lesson the hard way.  I promise not to ask anymore for a play-by-play of my life.  I promise to just LIVE it.  And by “LIVE” it I mean I’ll cast off about 50 pounds of guilt today.

There.  That oughta help my waist line considerably.

I went through the pictures on my phone yesterday and I found this one.  I had to share it.  I walked into Grandma’s living room one Sunday and found Trent watching TV with Grandpa:Too bad Grandpa’s not sporting his cowboy boots like Trenton!