Take Care

In the past few weeks with all the wedding stuff and seizure stuff and ulcer stuff, I let the way I take care of myself fall by the wayside. I’ve picked my sugar habit back up, and because I’ve been nauseated off and on (never quite knowing when a spell will hit) I’ve quit taking my daily walks. My scripture study has halted, my prayers have become Spare Tire Prayers.

Two days ago, I tried to pull out of my funk by using Alice’s nap time to paint my nails and listen to Conference talks. I felt such a difference in how I felt that it helped inspire me the next day to say my prayers more Steering Wheel Style. During Alice’s nap time, I sat on my bed and took some time to listen to affirmations and color.
Lacy asked to join me.
“Sure,” I patted the bed next to me, “But you can only color if you do this with me.”
“What IS it?” she cocked her head and listened to the strange voice floating from my iPad, saying things like

I am happy.
I make my own decisions.
I have everything I need.
I create my own satisfaction.

“Brain exercises!” I said, and then repeated after the man, “I feel joyous.”
She giggled and then joined in.
“I learn from my mistakes,” she repeated after the man and then added, “HEY! That’s what Dad says about when I play chess!”

We took an evening walk before dinner in the which Alice refused to walk unless she saw an ant by her feet… in which case, she RAN.
“Bugs NASTY” is her main motto.
Also, lizards nasty.
This is the girl who FROZE when a stink bug happened to crawl past her, narrowly missing her tensed up little feet.
“DAT NASTY DAT NASTY DAT NASTY!” She shriek-chanted as it calmly meandered by, completely unaware.

And as there is no such thing as a peaceful evening walk, so I ended up bug-bitten and achy from carrying the toddler. So when Lacy argued with me about something I’d asked her to do, I snapped.
I walked the toddler back home, put her in the house with her brother and went back to apologize to Lacy.
She cried a good cry, and I told her I messed up and was really sorry. She told me she wanted to run home and hide in her bed. Oh, how well I know THAT feeling!

After dinner, I lit the oil lantern, smothered us all in bedtimey essential oils and the kids joined me for a round of bedtime yoga which means Lacy very earnestly did the moves AS BEST AS SHE POSSIBLY COULD while Trent giggled and complained and truthfully only did it because I promised him he could put his feet in the foot massage bath Danny was using. And Alice jumped on ALL of us.
And scratched us.
And bit Trent so hard he ran to his room and cried.

Say it with me, “Namaste.”
During the final stretches, Trent cried out, “YOGA IS PAINFUL” and Lacy gushed, “I think I should teach this yoga.”

And so we see that Alicia MUST NEVER slack on her self-care. Because if I do? I cease to live fully and begin to get lost in the blankets by the couch.

Even with all the self care in the world, I still snap, still find it hard to surrender my will to God. I still bump hourly into my defects of character that keep me from running to God with ALL of me.
Isn’t it ironic? Since it’s those very defects that bring me closer to Him, if I’ll let them.

Today I’ll give it another go. I’ll work on being present -to enjoy whatever is in front of me, acknowledge it as ENOUGH, accept myself as ENOUGH and then I’ll do whatever my gut says to do next.
But I do want to go on record as saying:
The affirmations worked.
I learned from my mistakes.
The sun salutations happened BEFORE the children woke up.

Namast THAT, Universe.