But Only For Free

I went out with my husband the other night (to Stake Conference!) and as I got dressed I realized something nutty.
I only never buy clothes.

I’m really picky about my style, and I never buy clothes. NOT because I’m picky but because I’m cheap. On any given day, I can put an outfit on and some part of it is sure to have been free. The rest is from the clearance rack. Or Goodwill. Or Linda Miller’s yard sale (I told you: I’m picky).

As it turns out, it isn’t just clothes. It ANYTHING. If I have to pay full price for anything, I end up hating whatever I buy… and myself. It’s easier for everyone (thinking of the children, here) if I just make it myself or find something similar at a yard sale.

Guess what I did Thursday?
(But first watch this video and only this video because Catherine Tate can get prrrreeettty, um, tasteless):

Guess what I did Thursday? (It’s just a bit of FUN!)
I cleaned. I went to work and then I cleaned. This means that by the time Monday came, the house looked worse than it did on Wednesday. Naturally. Monday was a holiday, so I was able to spend the day with my kids. I even -with some hesitation -took them to work with me. Sometimes when they tag along, it’s sort of like That One Kid Movie where everything goes so wrong that you rue the day you pressed the “play” button. What’s it called again? Jumanji?
But yesterday they were awesome. Lacy took it upon herself to bring in customers, and Trent tagged along with a weapon (which I promptly took away).

“Welcome to aer (our) Hansen Auto Repair Shop. Phone: 288-3769 Cars only. Tips. 1 Penny Will Do.”
(Apparently, I passed my cheap genes on?)

(Check out the tip jar sitting on the ground!)

After working a little in the morning, I came home and started picking up this and that, washing down this, throwing away that, holding a shirt, taking out the trash… and the entire time, I was getting after the kids.
Stop that, do THIS!
(There’s a lot of this and that at my house, okay?)

I finally sat down in a huff and texted my husband my frustration: All I do is work and then clean. I have no soul and life. I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t stay ahead of anything in this house.
And then my hormones hit “SEND”

He texted back, “I’m sorry you’re having a rough day”
To which I did not reply but put my phone down and let the kids run rampant, as all children ought to do from time to time. I picked up a framed painting a friend had given me a few days earlier.
I took the painting out (because I hate cactus, I don’t care if that somehow makes me an disloyal Arizonian) because the frame had amazing potential (even though it is chipping away). I tossed the painting in the trash can (it kind of felt good) and then I came back inside to stare at the frame until my parched creativity came up with something.
Which it did.
And so I went back outside, pulled the painting from the trash, and painted OVER the painting.
“Every good woman should have flat black paint on hand for days when the children are running rampant.” ~Alicia Deets

I texted that picture to my husband and he replied, “Cool. Where did you put it?”
Note: school husband in female lingo. Powder room = Potty room.
While I waited for the black paint to dry, I took a wire hanger from my closet and (wow, this is getting embarrassing) went to my trash to get the empty frozen lasagna box.
(The Safeway brand is so good. No foolin’)
I bent the hanger into a circle (of sorts) and cut a circle from the box. I hot glued and packing taped the two together. Then I went to my garden and picked a bunch of corn that had dried up.
I went to work with my hot glue and ambition:

So many times during the 40 minutes it took to make this wreath, I almost gave up completely. Because apparently I’m cheap AND impatient.
Lucky Danny.
But I soldiered on into the very LAST glue stick and…

It won’t last through the season, but at least I have a soul again.

And Alice? Alice has new tricks (thanks for asking):

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