Pot of Gold

The nice thing (the “nice” thing?) about going through hard things is that there’s always some nugget of gold waiting for you to find. Trials are like gruesome treasure hunts.

Some nuggets are Knowledge Nuggets. Some are Wisdom Nuggets. Some are Strength Nuggets.

Have you ever stifled emotions? I have. I think I actually turned it into a sport and became a semi-pro. Here’s a Truth Nugget I picked up when I was 12 and came down with shingles because I wouldn’t cry:
If you stuff emotions down, they will find a way out of your body whether you like it or not.

(Please feel free to take My Nuggets and needlepoint them onto pillows. And then give me one. Ha!)

So I have some anger these days. I’ve never been an angry person. I’ve never really understood people with tempers because I don’t erupt or yell or scream or anything like that. It isn’t that screaming and yelling is BAD… it’s just that I didn’t DO it because it was easier for me to shove emotions down than let them out. Not everyone operates the same way I do.
*cough* thank goodness *cough*

I’ve picked up a lot of Growth Nuggets these days, and they’ve taught me that it’s okay to be mad. Is it okay to carry anger? Well, it isn’t HEALTHY. But you can go ahead and do it if it pleases you.
I’ve always shoved emotions down out of fear. I thought yelling was BAD. Screaming was BAD. Letting negative emotions take control was BAD. I was afraid of doing anything I perceived as BAD so I’d shove down, down, down…

But I’m not afraid anymore.
(“Did you hear me? I said… ‘I’m not afraid anymore!”)
So anger is coming out of my body and soul and mouth. It’s the wonkiest thing that’s ever happened to me. It feels so unnatural. The huffing and breathing and sweating and shaking. It’s CRAZY.
I polished my sink the other day. My anger took over my kitchen in a violent electric storm in the which anger BOLTED from my arms and the ending result was a polished sink and counter.

While I was thus (huffing and puffing and scrubbing my sink down), my phone rang. A dear, close friend asked me how I was doing and I told her truth. She listened.
“It’s okay to be angry,” she said, directly quoting one of my Discovery Nuggets.
“I just wish people KNEW, you know,” I said, “I wish they knew so they understood why I dropped the ball HERE and THERE and why I’m being the flakiest person in the world.”
“Because! It’s hard having people maybe think that I’m just not doing what I should be doing.”
“Alicia, what other people perceive is not your responsibility.”
She talked more after that. I promise, she did. But the thing is: I didn’t HEAR it. It was like background noise to the hallelujah chorus was singing as the heavens parted.

I’ve heard people say the cute quip, “What others think of you is none of your business.” And I think the same rule applies here, but to hear it like THAT.


I always thought it was. But you know what? Do you know what that MEANS? It means I’ve spent my entire life as one big bundle of excuses and apologies.

Is that REALLY how the Savior intended I live?
My usual pattern goes something like:
“[apology], [excuse].”
“I’m sorry the house is such a mess, it’s just that I’ve been so busy today.”
“I’m sorry I look like this, the baby was up all night.”
“I’m sorry there’s trash on the floor board of my car.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s just that…”

But it isn’t my JOB to make sure others think I’m good. It’s my job to do what the Lord has for me to do. One of the women I look up most to in this life is Mother Theresa, and it was her who gave me one of my Profound Nuggets.
“God has not called me to be successful. He has only called me to be faithful.”
And so yes, my house is dirty. It seriously could use a blow torch taken to the insides right now. But you know what? It’s okay! THAT is OKAY.
God has not called me to keep my house clean when my life feels like it’s falling apart. He has only called me to be faithful. And you know what? I can DO that! In fact, it is the ONLY way to get through the day… and not just because I’m going through hard things right now.
The only true way for me to get through each day is to take them one day at a time and turn each one over to God. Other people can have their thoughts, their judgements, their perceptions, and I can LET them. I can LET them have them without absorbing them and turning them into internal truths.
I don’t have to make excuses or apologies.

I can just look to the Lord and live.

And THAT, ladies and gents, is one of the best kind of nuggets there is: a FREEING nugget.

Here’s the other Best Kind of Nugget:



  1. Love the Home Alone quote….every truth nugget needs one of those added in there somewhere!
    As for the embroidered pillow-I’m on it.

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