Reading Between the Posts

I never thought I’d ever see the day where I didn’t blog. Blogging is therapy for me. It is to me what running is to some people and reading is to others.

If I go one day without writing, I start to lose my balance.

A few years ago, I went a little while without blogging and I had someone email me and ask me if I was okay. They were generally and sweetly concerned. How perceptive my readers are. You is smart.
I’ve always lived in a glass bowl, so to speak. I don’t know how else to live! And while some folks may disagree with Glass Bowl Living, I tend to disagree with them… at least in the sense that all Glass Bowl Living is wrong. I am the way I am for a reason. I can’t spend my entire life trying to squelch me.
I talk.
I write.
I post pictures of my kids.
I tell you about what I eat and wear and do… why do I do it?

I don’t even know.

Is that sad? I don’t think so. I’m just naturally THIS way. I’m not looking for validation or attention or whatever. Showing you me is just what I naturally do all of the time to everyone, be they virtual or real life.
That’s why I haven’t been blogging.

My mind and life have been consumed with something lately. CON-SUMED. And when I’m consumed with something, I generally have to write about it. And then you generally get to read about it.
Remember when I went nigh unto insane over my haircut when I was pregnant? So yeah. You know what I’m talking about here.

But the thing is: I can’t tell you what’s consuming me. There’s actually a part of my life that is kept under locked black box in my Glass Bowl. And I feel all dishonest about it -like I’m throwing crochet afghans over it every time you stop by to read my blog.
Like, “OH! You’re here! *nervous chuckle* Come in and sit down. OH! NOT THERE, DEAR! ANYWHERE BUT THERE!”

I don’t like it. It’s hard for me. So I take the lower road of avoidance. I’m just avoiding my blog.

Maybe you haven’t noticed I haven’t been posting.
Maybe you thought I just got busy.
Maybe you’re reading this and going, “Gosh, lady. Who cares? Post when you can and don’t when you can’t but don’t be all long-winded about it.”

It doesn’t matter. I’ve been wrestling with feelings of ingenuity. I am busy -that’s true, but being busy has never stopped me from jotting down every tittle before.
Why is it stopping me now? That’s the question that has been plaguing me… mostly because I knew the answer and didn’t like it.
I also hoped that my being consumed with something else would be more temporary than permanent. But this is a lonnnng piece of temporary.
I’ve started this post a few times, erased it a few times, saved it as a draft a few times, scrapped it and wrote a fluffy pink cloud post about funny stuff my kids said instead.
But there’s something BIG missing from my blog.

And that’s me. Did I just call myself fat? *snort*

I’m going through a tough season in my life, and I’m learning a lot about grit and backbone. I’m learning that I have them in spades… almost as if they’ve been in reserve my entire life waiting for me to find them.
Life is hard. It’s supposed to be, you know. It isn’t about the weekend or the vacation or anything “stuff”y at all.
I’m learning that life is really only about love and learning which is another way of saying “charity and growth” which is another way of saying “I’m going through something hard right now.”

It’s okay. It’s my season.

And I might go so far as to say that YOU are going through something hard right now because, as I said, life is hard and here we all are… living it.

Someone has it harder than me. Yes. I’ve had this pointed out to me MORE than my fair share lately. But there’s a great saying out there that goes something like, “comparison is the thief of joy” and that applies to “stuff”y things as well as hardships. Comparing hardships is stupid.

I have no advice, no answers, no idea what anyone needs.
The only thing I know is that I really don’t know much about anything at all… except that I’ve got a lot to learn which is another way of saying I’ve got some growth ahead of me which is another way of saying “I’m going to make it through some more hard things in my life.”
Thank goodness I have grit. Thank goodness I found my backbone.

Thank goodness it’s my favorite time of year, when all the world (or at least, all of Northern Arizona) is green and grey all over… even the weeds look pretty with rain drizzling all over them.
The sunflowers are in full bloom, there’s kittens on my porch and a baby squirming in my arms.
There’s sunsets and pumpkin pancakes made on the griddle because our stove up and quit. There’s Anne of Green Gable marathons and afternoon naps. I’ve got a small supply of essential oils to apply and enjoy. I have a caring, independent daughter and loving son who makes me laugh at least five times each day.

And for all it’s hardness, life is also soft.


  1. Life is hard. I totally get where you’re coming from. I know people say, “Chin up!” and “Focus on the long-term,” and “Fake it ’til you make it.” Sometimes I just want to smack them, because it’s okay to feel cruddy sometimes. It doesn’t make you less-worthy or anything; it makes you human. And if you need a whole day (or week or month) of not being Super-Mom, it’s okay, because “Tomorrow is always fresh–with no mistakes in it.” Hugs.

  2. Steve-the brother says:

    “I thought I might sit there for a change!”

    Someone once told me: “If life wasn’t hard, it wouldn’t be great.”
    It’s an encouraging thought, but sometimes the weight of the current
    circumstances seems to drown out all thoughts of “greatness”.

    My heart is with you. You’re being well-seasoned and becoming
    the type of vibrant soul that keeps this life lovely for everyone around them.

    By the way, October is going to be gorgeous here.
    Come on up for a spell.
    Coffee at 11.

  3. Oh, my dear friend-I love you. Thank you for sharing this. And please, feel free to text and/or call anytime you would like to talk amount…anything. Hard, soft, or anywhere in between.

  4. Life is hard! Call me and we can cry together! Or Facebook me…whatever! I have come to realize that I am NOT IN CONTROL of my life at all. And that thought scares me! Sometimes life just sucks. Usually people’s blog lives are all sparkly and cute. Underneath they have GOT to be having some sort of trials! Thanks for being honest about yours!

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