The Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Done

Lately, I’ve been suspicious that I’m Eeyore.
I’m not TRYING to be, and I’m making a conscious effort NOT to be. But when my husband comes home and asks me how my day was and I have to tell him about the burnt mattress or the baby powder on my piano or the sweet-smelling toilet bowl that’s wearing the entire bottle of my favorite body spray… I sound like a downer.
It turns out it doesn’t matter if you’re sporting a tone the likes of which Snow White would be proud… when you say, “He burned a hole in the mattress” it STILL sounds awful.

I went shopping on Friday with all three of my kids and my older brother. As my brother and I visited, I confessed something to him:

Having three kids is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

The kids are over the newness of their little sister. The official adjustment phase has begun. Do you know what that means? They’re begging for attention in all the wrong ways: disobeying, breaking promises, arguing with me and each other.
I know this is a phase. I know it will pass.
But when you’re in the thick of doing something hard and you’re running on little to no sleep, you’re dealing with a body who thinks it’s a gas to cycle every two weeks, and you have people both small and large looking at you and asking, “What’s for breakfast/lunch/dinner?”
It feels like a minor travesty.

I’m a happy person.
My husband married me in part because of my natural happy attitude.
When I was in high school, a coworker accused me of using crack, “because NO ONE is naturally that happy.” (She took it up to my boss and not to my face which I appreciate. I think.)

I’m trying to see the good in all of this, and there has been a lot of good.
But the facts remain: life is just hard, especially hard, right now. I believe that life is supposed to be hard and my goal isn’t HAPPINESS. It isn’t. My goal is faithfulness and joy.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. During that time, my daughter argued with me (because she suddenly knows more than I do on account of her having nearly completed her Kindergarten year). My son took a fork to my piano bench and made me cry.
Both of them broke promises they made to me, and rounded the day out with a few lies and a lot of disrespect to my personal bubble.

And today I’m supposed to clean my house.
But you know what?

My husband bought me a used but in good condition iPad for Mother’s Day. He knows that I wouldn’t appreciate a new one (you shouldn’t spend that much money!) but a good, solid USED one? FUN!
I immediately downloaded “Anne of Green Gables” for free, and I cracked it open this morning. Can you believe I’ve never read it?

My house needs cleaning in the worst way, but I’m SO TIRED of feeling like I can’t LIVE until the house is clean. I can’t keep up with everything on my plate right now, so I’m figuratively BREAKING that plate, putting on sweats (because my pants don’t fit anyway) and reading a book.

The un-Eeyore side to all of this is the evening we spent making s’mores as a family, the new-to-me iPad waiting for me on my burnt mattress, the fresh spring days, the garden soil waiting to be turned, cultivated, planted and watered, the new-found love of a show called “Foyle’s War” on Netflix, and this picture which brings me much joy. Probably because the subject in it isn’t arguing with me or punching holes in my precious piano bench:

Yet, anyway.


  1. Yay for thoughtful husbands! You will LOVE your iPad! I use mine everyday.
    As far as your kids go, three kids are hard! You are officially outnumbered and don’t have enough arms to wrangle them. It’s a good thing that we are not alone (same boat here:)) and that many, MANY, other moms have survived before us. I love your stories and am grateful that im not the only one who cries on Mother’s Day. :) meh. Thank you story lady for being awesome!

    • storylady says:

      Thank you, Janiel! Today has been much better, thank goodness. I mean, the house looks like junk but the people in it are much happier today :)

  2. Candace says:

    “My house needs cleaning in the worst way, but I’m SO TIRED of feeling like I can’t LIVE until the house is clean.”


    • storylady says:

      I’m still trying to figure this one out. The obvious answer is to hire cleaning help until I figure it out… but hiring help means I need money. So that’s out, haha :)

  3. Arg. I’m right there with you, sister. It’s so nice for us moms in the trenches to be able to communicate and be real with each other. Clean houses are nice, but sometimes it is also nice to just forget the house, forget makeup and getting dressed, and just read all day long. Especially Anne–with an E. I love this series (I have the entire series, if you’d like to borrow it sometime), and it’s the perfect positive, uplifting book to sink yourself into to forget about your now-holy piano bench and gritty piano keys….or in my case, my destroyed play set or my unusable yard.
    And, PS–Eeyore is still loveable. So don’t feel bad about having Eeyore-y days, weeks, or even months….I know I love Eeyore.
    I know you know this, but it does get better. I promise.

    • storylady says:

      THANK YOU! I just love you. I’m loving Anne of Green Gables. I see so much of the girl I used to be in Anne… I can totally FEEL how hard she tries NOT to talk having put myself through the same process countless times as a kid, haha. Today is so much better. Maybe I should take days like this more often! You’re great, Jewel. Thank you.

  4. storylady says:

    Tia is the very best person in the world to be friends with! I’m glad I’m not alone in the “growing pains” department :) It’s definitely worth it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t tough. It’s tough fo’ sho!

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