Mixing Motherhood with Inappropriate Language

I once had a Bishop who said, “Alicia, there’s two types of men who I believe are allowed swear. The first is mechanics. The second is men who deal with cows. Your dad is both.”
Okay, fine. Bishop, that’s fine.
But what about WOMEN?! I’m no feminist, but I still say I believe mothers are allowed to swear ONCE in a while.
We do yoga. *%&$
We find baby powder on our piano keys. ^*(%
We burn the last batch of cookies. Every. @#$# time.

But I digress. I’m not here to defend a mother’s right to use foul language.
I’m here to use inappropriate language.

The other day, I found a note my niece had written my daughter. And aside from it being an absolute treasure of awesomeness, it had a hand-written emoticon on the top of it.
See?

A frown face. :(

My golly goodness. And then I logged onto facebook and saw that they’ve added this new thing where you can insert a feeling next to your post. I scrolled through the available feelings facebook has to offer, and I laughed so hard I cried.
First, what the what is MEH?
Is that like the new, awful substitution for “apathetic”? Do people not WANT to go through the trouble of saying, “apathetic?” Or is it a new emotion completely that’s taken hold with this new surge of technology that allows us to communicate with our thumbs and caveman grunts?
Meh.

I began composing status updates in my head that I could attach the allotted facebook feelings to.
“Tornado howling outside. Luckily I have this closet. -feeling safe.”

And why do we have to limit our feelings to the small range of emotions facebook says we can have? I began texting my brother and insterting my own feelings.

“Trenton dumped a full bottle of my favorite body spray down the crapper and [insert the rest of my crazy day here]. –feeling battered.”

Isn’t the worst part about technological relationships the fact that we can’t SEE what they’re feeling as they type? Well, the problem just got more complicated.
Because now we SEE their feelings, and there IS NO OPTION to feel sarcastic.

Seriously, facebook. How did that get overlooked?
The emoticon, the hashtag -it’s an entirely different language that makes my 6th grade journals indeed seem archaic.
#iknowright

So in hopes of helping Those Who Come After Me, I’m going to dedicate this post to hashtagging and emotion-listing.
#grandkiddies
#thisismalarky
#withlove
#grandmaeash

#tongue

–feeling bemused

#lunch
#allthechildrenwhoindependent
#youhavetwohandsmakeityourself

–listening to “Hey, Hey Good Lookin’, Whatcha Got Cookin'”
#noreallytheywere
#andalso
–feeling lazy

#mothersday
#runfromthehumans
#snappinpicsonalongwalkbymyself
#whocanresistacalf

–feeling pastoral

#selfie
#ihateallthesenewwordslikeselfieandyolo
#madface
#whatelsedoyoudoinawaitingroomwithafouryearoldboy

–feeling like a number in a feed lot, and don’t we all feel somewhat that way in a waiting room?