Giving

I’ve been on the receiving end of so many thing lately. It makes me feel like such a leech -such a taker.
But I’m grateful, so very very grateful.

I can’t begin to repay everything I’ve been given. I can’t begin to express my true feelings of gratitude. It would be impossible.
There’s been my homemade nursing cover, multiple meals brought in (who is lucky enough to have meals brought in before the baby even gets here? I’m so blessed), snacks, phone calls, texts, offers to take my children and feed them (they’re kind of skinny…)

And I’m just so grateful. I want to give back somehow, but I can’t even get off my couch (true story).
Last night, my husband insisted that I hire housekeeping help again -she’s coming this afternoon. It isn’t that he can’t stand a dirty house -it’s just that he’s seen how hard it is for me to try and keep up… how frustrated I get with myself when I can SEE what needs done but I can’t physically DO it. He helps when and where he can, but this house, friends, is a full-time job.

There have been moments of personal pain and despair that have nothing to do with pregnancy, and during those moments when I feel a sense of hopelessness, there’s been a knock at my door and a, “Thought you might want this dessert and pack of diapers.”

You are all angels.
You are ALL doing the Lord’s work.
You are all doing unto the least of these… and in so doing, are serving the Lord.

I hope you know that. I hope you know I want to give back. I long to get up off the couch and babysit your children, mop your floors, visit with you, hold you, feed you (I love feeding people, this is true)… and I want to be there for you.

But right now, I need to be there for my baby.
She’s coming very soon… as I wake at night with contractions and as I cramp, cramp, cramp during the day I know that my body is getting ready for her to come.
It might not be for a few weeks.
Even so, a few weeks feels so near…

I’m nervous and in many ways I feel like a first-time mother. My emotions are getting the better of me, and I’ve spent a great deal of time on my knees, pleading for comfort, knowledge, comfort, peace, and comfort.
It has all come.

I feel keenly undeserving of you all -of His grace and love and mercy toward me.

And I realize… it isn’t ME that’s being served. It’s her:

For though I may be (among other things) A Taker -shamefully behind in getting thank you notes out -she is perfect. She is pure.
She is an angel, 100% deserving of a Father’s Love.

How blessed I’ve been to carry her with me and be on the receiving end of her blessings.

And thank you all -thank you all -thank you ALL.
I love you.