I wrote this post four years ago.
I’m revisiting it again because it is one of my best pieces -not because it’s well written or makes a good point… but because it is one of my most sacred pieces. Every time I read it, I inevitably cry. It takes me back to a day when I was surrounded by angels and given one to keep -forever and ever. Today I’m reminded of eternity and love and WHO I AM.
Today my son is four.

My Surprise:

I wasn’t planning on him; in fact, I cried the day I found out he would be a permanent part of my life. I announced the pregnancy to my husband through tear-filled eyes with a choking voice. I wasn’t ready, I tried to explain, for my world to change. I wasn’t ready for this blessing that brought on so much sickness. I later found out that there were so many other things I wasn’t ready for: the stares and glares from strangers when they saw me holding a toddler with one hand and resting the other on my protruding belly. The financial worry that loomed in the near future was a constant burden.

Most of all, the one thing I was completely unaware of was how things would work out in the end.

An end which came much sooner than it was supposed to. Right?

No. He came at exactly the right time.

Just in time to remind me that this has nothing much to do with me at all. This is his story. This is his beginning. Since he initially began his growth inside me, he has continued to teach me. Sometimes, the answers aren’t where you think they should be. More often than not, true treasures are found when you look up and celebrate life as it is instead of spending your time looking around and accepting life as you see it.

After months of complaining about my aches and pains, I found that they abruptly came to an end. I found myself with little contractions at 5:30 am on Tuesday. I tried to rest them away, then clean the living room in hopes they would diminish (which they didn’t), and finally decided to take a warm bath, assuring myself that I would be relaxed and back in bed for a few more precious minutes of sleep.

That’s when I made Danny call my mom because I couldn’t speak through the pain. That’s when mom wasn’t home, so Danny asked my Dad to come over to help give me a blessing -during which phone call, I clawed my way through the house grasping for the front door. I didn’t care that my hair was nappy and wet. I didn’t care that I was wearing glasses and a blue robe that makes me look like a marshmallow peep. I just had to get to the car. I had to drive somewhere that had someone who would give me something to take the pain away. The only problem was that I couldn’t get into the car, no matter how hard I tried and, literally, screamed.

Danny did the only thing he felt he could do. He called the Fire Department and had an ambulance dispatched. Within minutes, my filthy house was filled with emergency personnel. I was whisked away on a gurney and the nearest hospital was notified that a young woman was on her way, and she would be delivering a baby. Danny insisted that we were already pre-registered in Flagstaff, and we would deliver there. Through the blinding pain, I shook my head. I knew we wouldn’t make it.

I was wheeled into Winslow Hospital at 7:45 am and had a wriggling baby in my arms at 7:56 am.

Short labors are not necessarily better.

But this one was. I felt every moment -every movement. All of the intensity that goes into long labors was poured into 2 1/2 hours. It was furious.

But I don’t really remember the pain much. Oh sure, it hurt. I was not brave. I was asking anyone who passed by for pain medication. I’m thankful none was given. I was aware of everything.

I was aware the minute Trenton was placed in my arms of how complete I felt. I suddenly didn’t know the girl who was worried about finances and what other people thought about her pregnancy. I realized all in one breathtaking moment who I was. Who I am. I am a trusted daughter of a Heavenly Father -Mother to His children, Wife to one of his elect Elders.

My eyes filled with tears.
My heart filled with immense gratitude.
My arms filled with an Angel.

When Danny went home to gather a few things, the nurses took Trenton away. For the first time in 8 months, I felt alone. Trenton left my side. I hadn’t even realized he had been there with me the entire time until he was gone. He was there -teaching me, preparing me. Preparing me for an amazing journey filled with surprises that bring tears, fears, worry, and, eventually, ultimate happiness.


  1. I can’t believe that little guy is four! What a special and crazy time that was! :)

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