What Is Love

I can’t tell whether I’ve just sung the opening to Haddaway’s “What Is Love” or if I’ve answered a question on Jeopardy.
“What is love?”
“Correct, for 500.”

I’m just… I’m disturbed a little. I love my pinterest account. It’s so great. I use it every day. There’s a lifetime of knowledge waiting to be clicked on, searched, conquered, and repinned!
And then there’s love pins.

Have you ever watched a scene in a movie that went ALL wrong and then yelled at the TV?
“NO! NO! She’s not supposed to walk away! GO BACK! GO BACK!”
When I see pins like this, I want to scream at my computer.
The reason I want to scream at the screen has nothing to do with my correcting nature; rather, it has to do with my concern for the rising generation.
There seems to be some sort of general confusion about love… about what love means and where we get it and what we get from it and how we get it from whom and when and where and what. and why.


False. FALSE!
The other night, I was lying in bed falling asleep next to my husband (nothing mad and passionate about that, and yet…) and I asked, “Do you think if we ever fell out of love, we could stay together?”
“No,” he said, “I couldn’t live like that.”
“I think we could,” I said, “I think we have enough respect for each other and we’re such close friends that if we were ever to lose that spark of love, we could live together very well and nurture it until it came back again.”
“Well when you put it like that…” he said, “I thought you meant if we hated each other.”
Silly boy. Love is for real people.

The world I see around me glamorizes FINDING what WE NEED in OTHERS.
Bella and Edward, your fake story makes me oodles of sad. There’s so many girls (and let’s be honest: married women) out there who harbor disdain for their husbands because they lack a certain Edwardiness.
I’m only going to say this a million times, so listen closely: In the fake story that is not real, Edward had lived for HUNDREDS of years and he didn’t sleep. OF COURSE he understood women! He lived hundreds of years, didn’t sleep, and studied life around him. Can you expect THAT of your beloved? No! No more than you can expect his skin to glisten with glitter.
And before I move on… girls, having a man watch you while you sleep is a crime punishable by jail time. It is NOT dreamy.

The best kind of love is found when you first give yourself what you need.
Whether in a relationship or not, ask yourself this: are you whole?
If you are not, whose job is it to make you that way?
It is yours. It is your job to find a way to be whole.
Now let me ask you this: do you love someone who isn’t whole?
If so, is it YOUR job to make them whole?
Of course not. You can not shoulder that responsibility… and you should not expect someone to shoulder that responsibility for you.

My husband is ridiculously good looking.
I knew that when I first saw him. He thought I was pretty. We made out a lot. Madly. Passionately.
BUT there was something more… there was something beyond the kisses and the flutters and the madlies and the passionatelies.
And honestly: thanks goodness. On several occasions, both of us took steps back and said, “This is nuts. We are all over each other. This can’t be real.”
And something from deep within us would well up -something that can only be described and spiritual -and we would come back together and try not kissing as much.
It never worked.
A few weeks ago, I looked at my husband and asked him in all cheesy seriousness, “I wonder where I met you.”
And he knew exactly what I meant… because I’ve KNOWN him longer than I’ve known him. I knew him when I met him. I didn’t know it the first moment I saw him… I knew it the first night we stayed up until 4 AM talking.
We had to stay up late talking because getting to know someone you’ve known before requires a great deal of talking.

I respect the person my husband is. I love him. I truly love him.
To truly love is to truly enjoy and not truly EXPECT my needs to be met by him. When he does meet them, it’s nice. It’s REALLY nice. It’s BLISS!
But is it his job to make me happy? No. It’s my job to make me happy.
Before you go and get all depressed: is it always your job to make your beloved happy all of the time?
Holy exhaustion, no! It isn’t! They can make themselves happy! If they don’t know how to do this, they are not ready for a relationship.

love quotes | Tumblr

The best part about all of this? You’re free! You’re independent! You get to pry yourself up OFF the couch, away from Edward and The Notebook, and FIND YOURSELF! What makes YOU tick?
Hint: It isn’t NOT someone else.
You get to go on a journey of self-discovery and adventure!
A wise woman once asked, “When you walk into a library, which section do you go first to?”
For me, it’s classic literature. It combines my two passions: the past and words. The past makes me tick. Antique stores, the smell of mustiness, black and white photographs! I love it all! They make me happy for a reason. And words? Writing! I love to write! I love to write the stories of the past -both real and the ones that bounce around in my head all dang day.
My husband doesn’t fill these needs for me.
I can do my own puzzles, thankyouverymuch. I don’t need him to hunt around every nook and cranny for my missing pieces. That’s MY job, and I WANT to do it. It’s more fun to present the one I love with a finished puzzle rather than a woman sitting at a table, weeping, wondering WHERE her missing pieces could be… waiting, waiting, waiting for someone else to come and find them for her.

wise musings from katharine hepburn


I know all of this to be true because I’ve lived both sides. A few years ago, I was The Weeping Puzzle Woman. I was the victim. I was waiting for someone to fix me.

As nice as that sounds, the road to hell on earth is trying to fix someone other than yourself.
Fix yourself, love. Fix only yourself. And when you’re whole, you will be so much more! You will be ready to get out of yourself and GIVE to people who need what you have to offer!
Maybe you’ll discover that baking, cooking, and kitchening is what really makes you truly happy… and I guarantee there’s someone out there who would benefit from what you have to offer! It’s the woman with a new baby. It’s the lonely man in the home care center down the road who would love nothing more than a smile and a homemade cupcake. It’s the neighbors. It’s the kids in your neighborhood. It’s your sister. It’s your child.

Maybe you’ll discover that what makes you happy is making something clean, beautifying a space. So many people can benefit from that! There’s a bulletin board somewhere out there just waiting for you! There’s a woman who can not physically get up who would love your magic touch of cleanliness and beauty.

Maybe you’ll discover your green thumb. Use it! Use it at the park. Use it outside! Use it inside. Gift your products!

Maybe you’ll discover that you make people smile, and that’s what makes YOU smile. So DO it!
Maybe you’ll find that you have healing hands, and I happen to know of a back that needs you right now (mine).
Maybe you’ll discover your imagination again. Maybe you’ll find a love for numbers, for children, for puppies, for paint, for music (even if you can’t sing or play)…
No matter WHAT, if you will embark on this journey, you will find joy.
If you have been depending on someone else for your happiness, this journey will NOT be an easy one. It will get harder before it gets easier, but the liberation you will feel -the awakening of your soul -it is worth all of the energies you possess.
Is this what you want?

love quotes
Or is your REAL fairy tale something more like this:

l   o   v   e
Do you REALLY want mad and passionate and all that jazz? Of course you do. But do you want it forever?
Or do you want to laugh? Do you want mornings where he kisses you even when your hair is all a mess and there’s a funky smell coming from the general direction of the fridge?
Do you want a kind of love that only lasts as long as perky boobs and firm thighs? Or do you want the kind of love that is so strong you can taste it in the air of your 50th anniversary celebration?
THAT kind of love involves respect, friendship, tolerance, a LOT of laughter, teasing, vacations, heartbreaks, bad news, good news, pet graves, late night movies, late night barf clean-up sessions, wall painting, porch swinging, hot chocolate drinking, tears on your pillow, tears on his shoulder, happy laughter, cookies, diets, failures, successes, reading, learning, and RICH FULL THICK LIFE!
Mad passion optional.
Or occasional. Whatever.

true love

And I can tell you this: I would much rather have a man who respects me than a man who pines for me at all times, in all things and in all places.
I mean really. Who would want THAT guy? Puppy of a man.
I want my man to be a man -the kind that holds open doors, grows hair on his chest, and refuses to wear any kind of skinny jean.
If he watches me sleep, I’ll poor laxatives in his porridge. I just can’t take the pressure of having to look stunning while I’m snoring, ladies.
Most of all: I want to offer my WHOLE self to my baggy-jeaned hairy man.
Who wouldn’t respect that?


  1. My husband sparkles…it’s sweat, but he still glistens!

    also, “baby don’t hurt me”! love it!

  2. Not married yet, but definitely know what I am looking for and it is exactly what you described. Thank you!

  3. Loved this :-)

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