As I drove my daughter to school yesterday, I thought about how cruel God is.
Eve was formed from Adam’s rib.
Children, I surmise, are formed from a piece of their mother’s heart. A chunk of it falls off, makes it way down to the womb area and there a child grows from it. Pieces of me -the life-giving, blood-pumping pieces -are walking around on four little feet, and I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THEM.
What if they get hurt? What if they break my heart? What if they DIE?! The emotions I feel toward my children are overwhelming, and there’s nothing I can do to stop them because my children are made up of me.
Dear God,
Why is parenting so hard and wonderful and hard and hard and hard?
Love,
Alicia
On the drive to the school, I started to tear up but I pulled it together. All I had to do was think about my first day of Kindergarten. I was so excited. I was ready. I’d been WAITING to go to school with all of my friends, and here was my sweet daughter in the same boat: feeling the same emotions, going to the same school in the same classroom with the same head of blond hair.
And once I remembered how I felt -the newness and excitement -I was able to stop the tears and feel her excitement instead.
HOWEVER, I still believe every Kindergarten should install one of those fancy rooms where the people in the room can see out but the people on the outside can’t see in… because I could have really used a room like that yesterday to camp out in. As it is, I had to be content with 90 billion pictures and a 7 minute video when she got home of how her day went (one of those minutes is made up completely of me filming nothing and yelling “I SAID GET YOUR BACKPACK! LACE! LACE! WHERE DID YOU GO? GET YOUR BACKPACK!” And it’s so irritating that I want to reach through the video and slap myself. But other than that, it’s pretty awesome.)
See how big that piece of my heart is getting? How in the world am I going to handle the day when it doesn’t need me anymore and walks out the front door and loads it’s luggage in it’s bumper-sticker covered car? HMMMM?!?!
She insisted on two ponytails, low, in the back, but still high enough to sit off her neck. And in an unexpected change of events, she wore the bow she made instead of one I had made.
My husband stopped by to see her off (sweetest dad ever).
The Girl’s best friend is in her class and her cousin is in 1st grade.
“I’m swimming, Mom…” she said, posing in front of the mural outside her classroom.
When I picked her up from school, she BOLTED out of line and ran toward me. See that little pink blur? It’s mine:
And speaking of my heart breaking off and sprouting new people entirely… the doctor says my daughter’s ultrasound was perfect. Her only concern? The baby is BIG.
I’m still ravenous and my dream last night was about me holding up a buffet line because I couldn’t get enough of everything… but then Tommy Lee Jones came in and gave me a cell phone -it made everything better.
This picture makes me look like I’m jutting my hip out and being sassy. I’m not. I’m just standing there trying to hide my second chin.
The Baby is very strong and very active.
I’m worried about the changes a baby will bring to my home and body, but I was able to stop by my friend Jewel’s house very briefly last night on account of my husband getting a bug stuck in his ear.
Jewel lives a few miles away from the Walk-In Clinic (don’t worry, my husband is fine).
Jewel just had her third baby, and Jewel looks amazing. Her house was clean, and after I left I felt confident that I COULD DO IT… everything will be okay! If Jewel can do it, I can do it!
Friends are awesome. Where would I be without them?
Without them, my eyebrows would still be one, my clothes would still not match, my house would be infinitely dirtier without their tips… oh, the list goes on.
I’ve been truly blessed in the area of friends. Bless you all for your unending patience.
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