Midnight Brain

My latest dreams.

I’m accustomed to having whacked-out dreams, but I’m starting to wonder at myself.  My dreams have always been weird, yes.  But the past few nights, they have been weirdly VIVID.  I can FEEL them.  When I wake up, I’m not here.  I’m still in Dreamland, and it takes me a few awkward minutes to adjust.

For example, a few nights ago I lost a beauty pageant.  I knew I was going to lose the minute I saw my competitors.  They were all married to wealthy rock stars.

I mean, you JUST can’t win. I sat in my seat (which happened to be on the steps of a grassy outdoor Colosseum-ish courtyard) and devised a plan to win the next year’s competition.
Pshhhhhhhhhhh. Right.

Beauty pageant? Me? Beauty has never been my gift. I’ve made a habit out of paying other women who are good at the whole “beauty” thing to work their magic on me.
“Eyebrows… there should be two!”

Anyway, last night I dreamed of encouraging one of guys I graduated with to propose to the woman he loved. Not only propose, mind you, but to TAKE HER HOME to meet his family.
“That will win her over,” I said, “There’s no way she’ll refuse after meeting your mother.”
What the HECK kind of advice is that? And what woman wouldn’t go running? Besides, it isn’t the mother she would be marrying. In my dream, he agreed and went with it. I was 100% sure the plan would work and went home satisfied. Where was home? A mansion. Not a modern mansion… an old-fashioned, charming-by-day-but-creepy-by-night mansion. I climbed three flights of stairs to the nursery where my children were playing.
The nursery was rather small, considering the size of the house it was in, but it was really practical. There were cupboards galore and a counter that surrounded the entire room. The best part? The sink. There was also a microwave and a fridge. I tried giving my kids, who were running around my feet, snacks but all of the snacks were expired. EVEN the marshmallows. I gave up on the that and spent the rest of my dream trying to clean up.
Incidentally, I made no progress.  It didn’t deter me, and I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned but every time I turned around there was another mess.

That dream was most vivid of all. And though I’ve been awake for two hours, I’m still trying to pry myself out of Dreamland. It’s not working out well today, see… because I woke up and continued what I had been doing in my dream. At present the children are running around my feet and I’m trying to clean up.
I’m making no progress.
All I’m missing is the mansion.


  1. Dreams have an odd way of speaking to us, don’t they? Just don’t be giving out any marriage advice any time soon, okay?

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