Ton of Son

I’d almost forgotten what it feels like to have your body order you around, but this pregnancy has brought everything back to me. I’ll be in the middle of cleaning the kitchen, and my body will order me to sit. lie. stay.
No, I say, No. You know I’m busy. You know I’m in the middle of something.
Yeah, my body snaps back, You’re in the middle of creating a human. Now shut up.

It goes without saying that my formerly packed life has almost slowed to a halting stop. Life is much slower these days.
My mother even loaned me a book to read. Do you remember the last time you read a book just for fun? I mean, I read ALL the time, but… a BOOK? just for FUN?
The last book I read just for fun was “The Help” and that was last year. Before that, I can’t even remember when, so when my mom offered me “The Princess Bride” I took it, and I relished it.
Have you ever read it?

The copy I read was an abridged copy of the original -and the abridger is, well, obnoxious. I’ve read abridged books before, and after I finish them I turn them over in my hand and think, ‘How? What? Where? I couldn’t find a SHRED of anything being left out!’ Then I shrug and drop the book back in the library drop box. This particular abrdiger, aside from being obsessed with The Princess Bride like most the rest of us, is intent on you knowing that he is divorced. His wife’s name was Helen. She never believed in him. She was a cold woman. And that he was an expert lover of all things Florenise.
I’m really tired of him.
The book, on the other hand, is WELL worth your time. Just skip over anything in italics (where the abridger explains WHY he abridged, sigh) and you’ll be in for a real treat.

Anyway, a few days ago I had trouble really getting out of bed. I mean, I’d BEEN up. I had done this and that, but my feet found their way back to my gigantic bed, and my head begged to be propped up against three different pillows, and in my hands, I grasped “The Princess Bride.”
So I read at 8 am.
And I was still reading at 9 am.
9 am is when it started.
“Mom,” a voice came from behind the gigantic bed somewhere, “Mom, I meed food.”
“Hi, son. Whatcha doin?”
“I meed some food, Mom.”
“In a minute, okay? Mom is going to rest for just a minute, okay? Go and watch your movie.”
And off he’d run to watch Spiderman and Ice Man defeat whoever it was they had to defeat to being back peace to the world.
9:15 am
“Mom, I meed froggy in da ho’e.”
“You do?” I ask, pretending this is brand-new information.
“Yeah, can we make it now?”
“Go ask Lacy what she wants for breakfast.”
“Okay,” and he’d run off. I knew he’d get distracted by Ice Man. And he did.
9:30 am
9:45 am
10:00 am
He’s back. His big eyes are bigger than normal. His brow is knit in deep concern for his own well-being.
“Mom…” he comes to my gigantic bedside, “You meeda get outta bed. Okay? I meed some food.”
And it was so bloody adorable that I put Buttercup aside, pulled my son into bed with me, and I hugged him so tight he groaned.
“I love you TONS,” I said, and kissed his cheek.
“But Mom!” His voice was surprisingly whiny, “I just don’t have TWO TONS…” with that he stuck his tongue out and grasped it between his thumb and pointer finger, “I only hab ONE ton!”
I laughed so hard I cried. When I composed myself:
“Son, I love your ton.”
“Fanks,” he said, and stuck his tongue out for me to admire.

That boy has my heart 100%… and apparently he’s farther along that I am.

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