Accidental She-Grinch

Every year I look forward to the First Presidency Christmas Devotional.  Last year, it really helped me to feel Christmas.  This year, I started feeling Christmas around July when I pulled out my Reader’s Digest Christmas Book and started practicing.

Despite the fact that I’ve felt Christmasy for awhile, I was as excited about the devotional as I was last year.  Then I went.

I sort of remember President Uchtdorf talking about The Grinch.  That was all I got.

We walked into the chapel as a family united and excited.  Then I took the kids’ Santa hats off and the sides were formed -lines were drawn.  They armed themselves with colored pencils and crayons and I hovered threateningly over them.

“Shh,” I whispered, “No loud talking.”

“Santa hats are NOT for church.”

“We don’t stand on the benches…”

We ended up having one long bench to ourselves, and THANK GOODNESS because I ended up using the entire row and sitting at one end, at the other end, and in various places in the middle.  She had to go potty.  He tried to escape.  Hats were thrown.  Pencils were dropped.  Nerves were tried.

Fa la la la la la la la la!

We left the chapel frazzled, frustrated, and tired.

“I didn’t get a word of that,” I said to my husband as we pulled out of the parking lot.

“But at least we were there,” he said.  And that’s true.  At least we were there.  And I wasn’t completely honest with him when I said I didn’t get a word of the devotional.  I heard President Uchtdorf talking about The Grinch, and I thought about myself.  I think every one has Grinchy tendencies around the holidays.  This year, I vowed to simplify.  What ended up happening was I took on too many projects at home and I’m coming apart at the frayed edges.

On Monday, I had an extensive to-do list.  I accomplished everything on it, so far as I was allowed.  I couldn’t completely print our Christmas cards because the copy place ran out of toner, and I couldn’t mail a package off because my husband told me not to.

But everything else got done. At the end of the day, I curled up and crashed.  Tuesday.  Yesterday.  I failed.  I failed at everything and in every area 100%.

Here’s what I ate: Cheerios, cookie dough, gingerbread bits, marshmallows, oreos, and milk.

Here’s what I did: crocheted a hat, watched two episodes of glee and one episode of Bones, taught a piano lesson, tried to muster the energy to crochet more but never actually DID crochet more, and then I curled up and crashed.

I really shouldn’t worry too much about it because I accomplished three days’ worth of junk on Monday alone, and BELIEVE ME I’ll try not to do that again!  Today has been better.  I’ve eaten cheerios and minestrone and cheese and toast.  I’ve taught preschool, done half of my monster dish pile, played piano at the high school, and started making preparations for Bunco night tomorrow.

I’ve got too much going on, but that’s nothing new.  It’s really rather usual.  But after Monday and after yesterday, I’m realizing that it doesn’t take a small heart to be a Grinch.  All it takes is a to-do list full of piddly self-inflicted nonsense.  I will say this: I don’t want to stop Christmas from coming.  I simply want to stall it for a week, and THAT’S WRONG of me.  My heart isn’t too small -it’s just in the wrong place.

Here’s to a lifetime of NO MORE days like Tuesday, December 7 2010.

And here’s to a lifetime of holiday-like cheer.