Faded Photographs

They’re not really faded.  There just a handful of pictures I took with my phone and then forgot about.  Do you want to know how many pictures I have on my phone?  Roughly 2000.  Poor phone.  I don’t think it ever dreamed it would get sent to a mother.  I bet it hoped for a savvy working girl who wore sleek pants suits and heels.

While we’re on the subject… don’t you think someone should design a cell phone that caters to mothers?  It should be waterproof.  It should be coated in a protective sheer sheet of some kind that stands up to make up smudges and flour. It should be capable of holding an astronomic amount of pictures because, hello?  Moms take pictures of everything.  It should be a limited smart phone, meaning it should have a few smart phone functions but it should NOT have facebook.  Mothers who don’t use facebook mobile are free from the guilt it induces.  It should be lightly scented and have a little bling to it.  Is that too much to ask?

Back to the pictures.  I took this one while my husband and I celebrated our 6th anniversary.  We’re coming up on 7 years.  Cuh-razy!

Come on. How funny is that? It was right by some train tracks, but I still busted up like a boy in junior high when I saw it. I did have to stop there. But I didn’t flash anything.

These pictures are of a different sort. I want to tell you a little story. I was using a form of birth control that made my body think every month that it was pregnant. But the thing is: when my body thinks it’s pregnant, it goes all out: nausea, tiredness, and best of all… my belly pops out! Just like a real pregnant lady! At first it would pop out for only a few days and then ta-da! It would go back in, but in the past few months it has popped out for a good three weeks. I couldn’t handle it anymore because none of my pants fit and I hated being tired all. the. time. Having your stomach stretched out just wears you out. I snapped this first picture because I thought, “Well if I am pregnant then I’ll want a picture of this.”
Also, I most always thought I actually was pregnant.

Check that out! Ba-BOOM!
Two short weeks later, I snapped this picture at a boutique. I was trying on a shirt and I wanted my husband’s opinion on it. He was in the car outside.

I bought the shirt, by the way. And the shirt that goes under it.
Isn’t that a little crazy? I’m hoping I’ve put an end to this cycle because it was driving me batty. Every month I’d wonder if I really was and every month I’d buy my weight in pregnancy tests and every month my husband would tell me not to… but come on! If your belly played tricks on you like that, wouldn’t you be going a little batty? It’s like a constant game of Is My Life About To Radically Change…. or NOT?!

Okay, that’s that. My kids woke up absurdly early today and they’re already fighting like mad. I actually woke up at 5:30 AM to find my daughter dishing herself up some ice cream. I took it away, of course, but she hasn’t forgiven me for it.

Today I’m going to be doing leg exercises. I’ve got to get them warmed up for the HUGE annual community yard sale. 21 yard sales!   You should come! I’ll need a yard sailing buddy.