Experiments

I’m smack dab in the middle of an experiment.  And NO, despite the amount of candy wrappers surrounding me at present, it isn’t “How Many Days Before the Leftover Halloween Candy is Gone?”
It’s more of a relationship experiment.

Before I go on, you need to know that you’re about to judge me… pretty harshly. Wait, unless you’re Dr. Laura. I think Dr. Laura might not judge me. Maybe.

I was driving home from Wal-Mart last week, and a song came on the radio. We have a total of about 7 stations up here, and 4 of them play country. I listen to country virtually non-stop, so this works out well for me. I can flip through the country stations until I find something I DO like (Josh Turner) and avoid what I don’t (Rascal Flatts). As I drove along, a song I had never heard came on. I can’t find an official music video for it. This was the best I could find.

As I listened to it, I was reminded of how simple men can be. NOW, this is by no means an insult. I just forget sometimes that my husband has very few needs -the most of these is just to be loved and appreciated. I thought about my son. I thought about how I want his hypothetical future wife to treat him. I thought about my husband’s mother, and I thought about how hard it must be to trust another woman with her treasure of a boy… the way she pins her hopes on that woman to see the person she sees.
And then I went back to thinking about the song.

Now, please understand that what I’m about to say is going to sound downright incriminating.

I decided to take the song to heart, and in certain situations I have -in all seriousness -wondered how a dog would react.
And then I act accordingly.
This isn’t to say that I’m slobbering all over him and assuming animal-like attributes. This is just to say that I’m trying MUCH harder to be be MUCH happier when he comes home from work. I’m leaving him alone when he’s lounging on the bed playing games on his phone while I’m wrangling children and cooking and making phone calls (yes, all at once because I’m a Woman and we DO life like that).

Also: this doesn’t mean that I didn’t peel my socks off at the end of Halloween, plunk my feet on my husband’s lap and HAND him a bottle of lotion. And no, I didn’t ASK if he wouldn’t mind rubbing my feet (after a long day of cleaning, cooking, and making our home a nice place to be on Halloween while not feeling my best). I THANKED him beforehand for what he was about to do.

As simple as men are in their needs, they sometimes need a blunt reminder of our complex needs. They’re wonderful, men are, but I’ve yet to meet one who reads minds.

I didn’t tell anyone about my experiment because, let’s face it, it’s really sorta sad.
“You asked yourself ‘What would his dog do?’… you’re nuts.”
I even happened to read a facebook status from one of my friends that said, “If a man ever said to me ‘I want you to love me like my dog does’ I can’t promise that I wouldn’t knock the crap out of him.”

The last thing I wanted to do was broadcast my experiment to the world.
BUT.
It’s been nagging at me. I have to share it now because you need to know the results.

My husband has been a completely different person for the last week. And when I say “completely different” I mean that he has been a constant ray of sunshine.
When he came home from work two days ago, he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me CLEAN OFF the ground. I asked him why he was so happy. He told me he didn’t know. Then he set me down and said, “you’ve been happy.”

Over the summer at my retreat for women, it was pointed out to me that women are the climate controls for the home. Is it worth it to fake happiness sometimes? Well, yeah. It is. It isn’t easy, and it can’t be done ALL of the time, but it’s almost always true that fake happiness generally turns into real happiness in a matter of a few smiles.

My husband can’t fake happiness for the life of him. He can’t fake anything which is something I really love about him. Because he can’t fake happiness, I’ve been asking him (the last few months) to try a little harder to put a smile on… to please be happy when he came home from work. I’m not a nag. I didn’t harp on him. I wasn’t sharp about it and I didn’t snap at him. He even agreed with me that he needed an attitude change.
Well he got one.
RIGHT after I did.

Funny how that works, isn’t it? And what’s it like to play puppy for a week?
Oh, it’s humbling all right.
And it’s WORTH it.
Men just want love. They just want appreciation. They want you to be proud of them and they want to feel like you need them in your life.
Can you do that? Of course you can. Love the men in your life. Tell them you’re proud of them. When they walk through the door, go bonkers for them.
And watch and see the change…

My hypothesis was that if I treated him like he was the best thing since mini-Twix bars (that may be the leftover Halloween candy talking) he might treat me likewise.  And guess what?  It really does work.  It seems so simple in theory -it even seems obvious.  So why is it we forget so easily?  Even dogs don’t seem to have a problem remembering and applying it.  What’s our deal?

In any case, our home is happier now that it was 8 days ago… all thanks so dogs.  and country music. and forced foot rubs.

If you’ve read this far (bless you, if you have) please enjoy this youtube video. Music majors will enjoy it most. I laughed for a full two days about it.
What makes it even better? My very own husband played the cello for an extremely brief period in the 4th grade.  Please note there are a few swears, for which I apologize.

Comments

  1. Amen sista! I have two of Dr. Laura’s books, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, and she drives this point over and over again. Men are simple and don’t be a nag. It’s so simple and it truly does work! You’re awesome for writing this post!

  2. Oh man, I am so calling you about this.

    Also, I love the Pachabel rant.

    “I’ll see you in hell, Pachabel!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

  3. Alicia, do you know how incredible you are!? I saw your spark when I first met you at the women’s retreat. I so enjoy your blog. I only have one concern,,,,, you don’t like Rascal Flats!!???? ;)

    Some of their music is a bit, screechy? But I will say they have some songs with some very powerful messages. For some reason a couple of songs have hit me lately that relate to the gospel.

    That’s ok, you don’t have to like Rascal Flats, I really like Josh Turner as well! I had to laugh because I do the same thing with the radio. Country is all I listen to. Except for an occasional blast back to my high school days.

    You are wonderful!! Thanks for sharing so much insight!

    Stephi

  4. Kourtney R says:

    Bwah ha ha ha ha….love the Pachabel piece, very nice!

    Yes, it’s so true! I’ve been acting like a dog (not the b*tch kind) for the past 2 months or so and the transformation is astounding. And when I did let the b*tch kind come out a few weeks ago, worst 3-4 days EVER!

    Who says women don’t rule the world ;)!

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